


Addicted to Thorns

by LovelyMelody



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AUish, Angst, F/M, I don't know why i write stuff like this, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 12:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16892265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyMelody/pseuds/LovelyMelody
Summary: he forgets that even roses are dangerous.





	Addicted to Thorns

Bucky wonders how he got in this position of catching feelings. He had only been looking for something temporary, after all; something to fill this ache he had inside. And you--oh god, beautiful you--were looking for a way to heal, to forget about hung up feelings and draining emotions. You were two souls looking for a fix; a perfect deal, sealed with sloppy kisses and pleasurable mewls.

So, he knew what he was getting himself in to; he was aware of the consequences. You had warned him plenty of times. Steve had warned him plenty of times. Even Tony had, and he and Tony didn't get along for more than one reason--so obviously it meant something if even Tony was warning him. And although he reassured you and the others (and himself) that he knew, he realizes now that maybe he didn't.

Of course he didn’t.

"You're falling in too deep, Buck." Steve's stern voice echoes through his mind, loud and authoritative, reminding him of every horrible decision he has ever made. "Get out before you hurt her and yourself."

Steve didn't (and doesn’t) know that you were already hurting long before you came to him with the request. You had slowly been falling into a pit of despair, one that Bucky was eager to help you get out of. You were his friend, how could he not want to help you? But even with all his eagerness, he never expected how addicted he would become after the first time. The feel of your skin under his fingertips and lips left tingles on the appendages for days, seeking and wanting to feel you again.

So, they aren't horrible, because every decision he has ever made, made him feel alive--lifted. And if this is a mistake, then he wants to continue making the same mistake over and over until he grows tired of it--until it breaks him. This is his fix, his one and only desire. Bucky decides that Steve is only jealous, jealous that he can't feel what Bucky feels: euphoria.

"She's hurting, Bucky. This is a moment of weakness, not a moment of whatever you think this is." Tony's voice cuts through him, making him doubt every single feeling he has ever felt for you and life. "The moment she heals you'll be the one hurting, not her."

He's sinking, falling from his high. He's reminded once more of his mistakes, the ones that led him here. (Maybe Steve wasn't jealous but grateful that he wasn't stuck like Bucky was.) He wonders if there was a way to avoid any of this. And he realizes there wasn't, he was always going to fall; he was meant to fall, meant to feel alive whenever he's with you. You're a drug--a drug that he's become addicted to and never wants to let go of, but he has to, doesn't he? He's already falling and falling, trying to grasp your love but he can't because you keep pulling back; keep distancing yourself from him even when he's inside of you, making you shiver beneath him as he touches every curve and mark on your body, inhaling your very being (as he explodes in to a mess of feelings and words he can never say aloud). Yet, you keep pulling away and somehow remain his fix, his destruction.

"I want to love you, but I don't know if I can, Bucky." Your words are softer than Steve's or Tony's, like petals caressing his skin. The worry and compassion in your voice blooms hope and need in his chest until he's breaking. "You deserve better than this, than me. I’m sorry.”

Thorns dig into his skin as the vines constrict, squeezing and digging until a crack appears on the surface of his chest; a reminder of how you heal while he begins to lose himself. And the euphoria he so loved seeps out the cracks leaving him empty and lost.

And he's back to wondering how he got in this position, how he let himself catch feelings for you when you both knew you could never love him. Steve is right, he has to let you go, has to stop himself from falling any deeper than he already has. He can't let himself fall anymore, even if it was meant to happen he now has to grasp reality instead of your imaginary love, the one he keeps making up whenever you smile at him and look at him from under your curtain of eyelashes.

He's made his decision, he's going to cure himself of your touches, allow himself to find another reason to feel alive because like Tony said, these are only moments of weakness, not love.

But then you're back under him, mewling and squirming under his fingertips as he thrusts with want and desire and love. And he forgets, forgets that you're a drug, his fix, his destruction.

He forgets that he deserves better than this arrangement, deserves more than being your way of healing, the cracks that are forming. He's forgetting it all as his body feels lighter and lighter with every inhale of your soul, with every trail of kisses you place on his naked body--and he loves it.

You become his lover, his rose in his garden of weeds.

You're his drug, his fix, his destruction. And he'd rather break than never feel you ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a while back and never posted it, dunno why but anyway, I hope you guys like it


End file.
